5:17 The morbid, grey scenery storms past me; the florescent lights illuminating it’s dull and dreary coat of weather. The flat land will soon twist and turn its way into hills and city noise.
I’m off to visit Joe for a few days, this is good, I need to leave for a while, clear my head, straighten my thoughts out and take my mind of the sneaky dark and twisty thoughts that were to trying to infiltrate my happy thought bubble.
I’ve had quite a depressing weekend, mainly due to our favourite disorder V! I mean I know there are a lot worse things that could happen to me, but to be honest there’s always going to be someone worse off than you. There’s always someone worse off in every single shit situation; but that doesn’t make your issues any less of a big deal to you, they still control a huge majority of your life and thought time.
It sometimes gets to a point where something like this is too much to handle. Dealing with normal teenage strife; the relationships, the break ups, the hook ups, the lack of knowledge of the opposite and their scary looking genitalia… My lack of confidence and performance in the bedroom does not help the situation. Sometimes I just need to get out. So that’s what I’m doing.
5:49 It’s getting darker now, the blue gloom is quickly transforming the disheartening scenery into intricate silhouettes. OH HELLAAAAH, a VERY hot guy just sat in the seat opposite me. See this trip is working already!
I think I need to stop waiting around for things to happen. I need to grab life by the balls and have sex with it. I’m not feeling the need for a relationship or something meaningful; if that happened now the best case happy ending scenario is breaking up in September/October time for uni. I completely agree that it’s nice to have a lovely body to rest your head on as you silently drift up into a content slumber, and it’s nice to have someone you’re completely comfortable with; but right now, is it really worth it? I tend to screw those sort of things up anyway.
6:01 (Hot Train Guy has started reading Terry Pratchett… aren’t those books for 12 year olds? Getting out the copy of Frankenstein from my overnight bag and establishing intellectual superiority. Luckily he cannot see the copies of Heat and Glamour also tucked away…)
I’ve realised that I’m one of those people who are never going to be happy in a relationship. If the guy is really into me I start thinking yeah I’ve got you on a leash and treat them badly or do something bad – But when I start to lose the attention and ‘yeah I’ve got you’ confidence i crave it, obsess over it. Now I know most people would say that there’s no such thing as a COMPLETELY happy couple; but I’m still pretty sure I’m going to end a 50 year old spinster on her 3rd divorce with several cats named after previous boy toys, rotting away in a flat whilst watching repeats of Sex and the City and soaking myself in strawberry gin.
6:15 Hot Train Guy is opening a letter… IT’S A VALENTINE’S DAY CARD. Fucking hell. Probably from his 6ft leggy blonde girlfriend. Didn’t like him anyway…
It’s started raining, this pathetic fallacy shit just got real bitch.
The guy noticed I was staring at him so I’ve turned my position away, choosing to stare at his pretty reflection and pretending to read Frankenstein. Nearly there now.
I like being on quiet trains like this, everyone here has somewhere to go. It’s valentine’s day tomorrow, so the majority of these fellow commuters are probably going home to loved ones. Then you get the occasional person on their own, escaping reality. It’s weird going from the relative countryside to a city on your own, exciting but intimidating. I’m pretty much pretending to be a student; I’m wearing a gilet so it’s going well! I just need to have some fun; I haven’t had any real FUN fun in so long! It’s exhausting trying to convince yourself to be happy and moving forwardy. Maybe physically moving forward into another country will encourage me.
The sparkling city lights emerge from behind dark shadow, Hot Train Guy gives me a smile as I get off the train and step onto new ground.
This should be good.
xAx
I’m off to visit Joe for a few days, this is good, I need to leave for a while, clear my head, straighten my thoughts out and take my mind of the sneaky dark and twisty thoughts that were to trying to infiltrate my happy thought bubble.
I’ve had quite a depressing weekend, mainly due to our favourite disorder V! I mean I know there are a lot worse things that could happen to me, but to be honest there’s always going to be someone worse off than you. There’s always someone worse off in every single shit situation; but that doesn’t make your issues any less of a big deal to you, they still control a huge majority of your life and thought time.
It sometimes gets to a point where something like this is too much to handle. Dealing with normal teenage strife; the relationships, the break ups, the hook ups, the lack of knowledge of the opposite and their scary looking genitalia… My lack of confidence and performance in the bedroom does not help the situation. Sometimes I just need to get out. So that’s what I’m doing.
5:49 It’s getting darker now, the blue gloom is quickly transforming the disheartening scenery into intricate silhouettes. OH HELLAAAAH, a VERY hot guy just sat in the seat opposite me. See this trip is working already!
I think I need to stop waiting around for things to happen. I need to grab life by the balls and have sex with it. I’m not feeling the need for a relationship or something meaningful; if that happened now the best case happy ending scenario is breaking up in September/October time for uni. I completely agree that it’s nice to have a lovely body to rest your head on as you silently drift up into a content slumber, and it’s nice to have someone you’re completely comfortable with; but right now, is it really worth it? I tend to screw those sort of things up anyway.
6:01 (Hot Train Guy has started reading Terry Pratchett… aren’t those books for 12 year olds? Getting out the copy of Frankenstein from my overnight bag and establishing intellectual superiority. Luckily he cannot see the copies of Heat and Glamour also tucked away…)
I’ve realised that I’m one of those people who are never going to be happy in a relationship. If the guy is really into me I start thinking yeah I’ve got you on a leash and treat them badly or do something bad – But when I start to lose the attention and ‘yeah I’ve got you’ confidence i crave it, obsess over it. Now I know most people would say that there’s no such thing as a COMPLETELY happy couple; but I’m still pretty sure I’m going to end a 50 year old spinster on her 3rd divorce with several cats named after previous boy toys, rotting away in a flat whilst watching repeats of Sex and the City and soaking myself in strawberry gin.
6:15 Hot Train Guy is opening a letter… IT’S A VALENTINE’S DAY CARD. Fucking hell. Probably from his 6ft leggy blonde girlfriend. Didn’t like him anyway…
It’s started raining, this pathetic fallacy shit just got real bitch.
The guy noticed I was staring at him so I’ve turned my position away, choosing to stare at his pretty reflection and pretending to read Frankenstein. Nearly there now.
I like being on quiet trains like this, everyone here has somewhere to go. It’s valentine’s day tomorrow, so the majority of these fellow commuters are probably going home to loved ones. Then you get the occasional person on their own, escaping reality. It’s weird going from the relative countryside to a city on your own, exciting but intimidating. I’m pretty much pretending to be a student; I’m wearing a gilet so it’s going well! I just need to have some fun; I haven’t had any real FUN fun in so long! It’s exhausting trying to convince yourself to be happy and moving forwardy. Maybe physically moving forward into another country will encourage me.
The sparkling city lights emerge from behind dark shadow, Hot Train Guy gives me a smile as I get off the train and step onto new ground.
This should be good.
xAx
Primary Vaginismus means that your vagina is NOT your property. It is the property of God now.
ReplyDeleteThat's how God values some women.
Primary Vaginismus is God's way of keeping the population down, other than infertility and male impotency.
God owns your vagina.
I really don't care how "sexy" you are.
For me, beautiful women who masturbate (both clitoral and vaginal) are the SEXIEST. They know exactly what they want and what feels good for them. You can't beat female masturbation. You are probably BORING in bed.
Maypaki.
ReplyDeleteShut up, shut up, shut up. Just shut up. Really.
Do you realise how you are presenting yourself? You leave a comment on practically every post on this blog making the same points over and over again: some bullshit about God followed up by a random claim about masturbation.
What exactly do you hope to achieve by this?
If you truly believe in God, then surely you must believe that God has a benevolent side? Why would he afflict anyone with vaginismus? Does he give people cancer so he can own their tumours? AIDS so he can own their pneumonia susceptibility? TB so he can own their coughs?
Bloody ridiculous.
Also, it's none of your business whether or not A is able to maturbate. Even with vaginismus, a lady has access to her clitoris, breasts, ears, anus, labia majora and every other erogenous zone that you probably didn't even consider. God gave her a soul too, you know. Or did vaginismus take that as well? OH NOES. If A masturbates or not is none of your concern. It's not your place to dictate her sex life because you have access to a keyboard.
Plus, I bet she's great in bed. Are you, Maypaki? Actually, don't answer that.
Go and pick on someone else. Leave A alone and stop the pointless hate. You're not going to start making any sense otherwise.
"The guy noticed I was staring at him so I’ve turned my position away, choosing to stare at his pretty reflection and pretending to read Frankenstein. Nearly there now."
ReplyDeleteI so do that too. The watching in the reflection thing is a classic move. To anyone else it (hopefully) just looks like you're enjoying the scenery...
Primary Vaginismus.
ReplyDeleteIf you have it, then your body is NOT designed for sex.
It is God's way of telling a woman that she is DESTINED to become a nun or celibate.
So if you have it, go on and BECOME A NUN.
Or be CELIBATE.
That's because it is God's way of controlling the global population. God created women with such sexual dysfunction to keep them away from sex and thus preventing conception. Unfortunately, most women don't realize it and would still go through days and weeks of therapy which is just time consuming.
Trying to remedy your condition is against God's will.
God does NOT want you to have sex.
If your a woman, don't get married & don't have sex if your VAGINA wont let you.
God had CLOSED the gates of your virginity.
FACE IT! You have a NUN'S VAGINA.
It is time to give up on men and become a NUN.
VAGINISMUS may be the answer to overpopulation.
God truly works in strange ways.
I am now an enlightened man.