Ben’s back, shit. I would usually say it would be quite easy to ignore and avoid him; as we’re not really in the same group of friends. Well I thought this; apparently one person slipped through the net of post-breakup frustration. Both myself and Ben are attending a ‘small friendly gathering’ just after Christmas, ode to joy.
We still haven’t spoken since that crazy angry text I sent him… but I’ve physically seen Ben once since he’s been back, at a party which he made a brief appearance: promptly leaving soon after Mark came up and kissed me quite publicly. So yeah, going well!
You know the drill when you break up with someone; we’ve all been through it. For whatever reason you broke up, the usual outcome is that you make empty promises to stay friends; which never actually happens.
Can you be friends with an ex?
Factors such as being friends first or being in the same group of people or even just having to be around the ex a lot half forces you to make friends again so it’s less awkward and just generally easier. But what if you were none of these things? What if you met and clicked on a more than friendly level instantly, what if you don’t really share any close friends, what if the ex now lives 40 miles away half the year?
Surely I can make a case for not being friends with him. But then again; you can’t just pretend you don’t know them after spending two years with them, being in love with them, seeing them very very naked. Of course I have the solace of knowing that I have Mark to flaunt in the ‘who’s moved on first’ competition’, but does that give me an excuse to be friends?
So what are you if not friends? Acquaintances? One of those people who you say hi to in passing and hope that they don’t stop for small talk? “Ben? Yeah I know him but we’re not really mates.” WHAT?
Why do we even bother attempting to be friends? Askmen.com said: “Not only does it give the dumper the comfort of knowing they aren't monsters, but by wanting to remain friends, it also allows the dumper to feel that their former lover will still be in their life, and they won't have to miss having them around.”
So before this small gathering where I will be keeping myself at least a few yards away from Ben at all times; should I attempt to savage this wreckage? When just seeing him brings back memories, mainly of him naked and on top of me but that’s not the point. The point is I feel like in respect of our now dead relationship, we should both move on and try and be civil. That’s the most mature thing to do right? No matter how awkward and painful it may be.
It took me a year to start talking to my first boyfriend again (and I only kissed him), but he’s now one of my best friends and the first person I told about my Vaginismus. Surely this is a sign that in the end it will all work out? Christmas Eve may be a good place to start; we’ll both be in town and a bit drunk. And come on, tis the season.
Man Up.
xAx
