I should really be doing some coursework right now but it makes me do this:
And I feel I owe you an update…
I’ve been sexless for a month and it’s been interesting, nerve-racking, but interesting.
Things happened with Mark, drunk things at a house party and I’m not sure how I feel about them. In a nutshell, we would have sex if he’d had a condom, but he didn’t. I had one though, but I left it to fate to decide my sex life; if Mark had a condom, we’d have or at least attempt to have sex. This was probably a very clear sign that I wasn’t ready for anything at all, but through a drunken haze, the reality of sleeping with someone new (with or without vaginismus to take into account) doesn’t seem such a bad idea.
I’m gonna take a few steps back here, as you may be wondering whether Mark knows or not. He does. I didn’t tell him though, he found out all on his own. Had a bit of a dramatic Friday; Mark asked to borrow my new laptop (which I have yet to figure out how to securely store private files on) and I said yes and quickly moved all the current blog hard copies into a random folder. To no prevail. He stumbled across the files, which I still think is pretty out of order, he had to dig to find them! I don’t know, maybe he knew I was hiding something; after the whole thing had calmed down a bit he said “this does actually explain a lot”. But who knows, he’s still lying to me anyway; my shiny new laptop also gives me a list of ‘recently opened documents’, Mark claims he read a bit of one then didn’t read anymore… but the evidence piles against him. All six blog entries in that particular folder had been recently opened, and he had two hours with my laptop, once again that is TWO HOURS!
You would read them all wouldn’t you? I certainly would.
I was hoping to tell him on MY terms, when I thought it was the right time, not having to explain myself through tears and shame with a touch of embarrassment thrown in there too.
I’m scared of explaining things to him, especially after that house party. Nothing’s happened since Dramatic Friday; no random kisses on staircases like before, it’s hard to pretend like nothing’s wrong with me when now he knows there really is. It was so much easier to just pretend everything was ok.
(Oh and just for issue of clarity, he still doesn't know about the blog as far as I'm aware and he only read 6 of the earlier blogs, thank god nothing about him...)
In other news, I have another Doctor’s appointment next week; and it's quite a bit of a big deal for me this time because it’s been a year since my very first examination, since all the attempts at dealing with vaginismus and since I actually told someone. A bloody rollercoaster and lies and sex and secrets. Hopefully I’ll be having another examination at this appointment; and I’ll try and be a bit more classy this time… I bet that support nurse has nightmares about me.
Stay sexy
xAx
And I feel I owe you an update…
I’ve been sexless for a month and it’s been interesting, nerve-racking, but interesting.
Things happened with Mark, drunk things at a house party and I’m not sure how I feel about them. In a nutshell, we would have sex if he’d had a condom, but he didn’t. I had one though, but I left it to fate to decide my sex life; if Mark had a condom, we’d have or at least attempt to have sex. This was probably a very clear sign that I wasn’t ready for anything at all, but through a drunken haze, the reality of sleeping with someone new (with or without vaginismus to take into account) doesn’t seem such a bad idea.
I’m gonna take a few steps back here, as you may be wondering whether Mark knows or not. He does. I didn’t tell him though, he found out all on his own. Had a bit of a dramatic Friday; Mark asked to borrow my new laptop (which I have yet to figure out how to securely store private files on) and I said yes and quickly moved all the current blog hard copies into a random folder. To no prevail. He stumbled across the files, which I still think is pretty out of order, he had to dig to find them! I don’t know, maybe he knew I was hiding something; after the whole thing had calmed down a bit he said “this does actually explain a lot”. But who knows, he’s still lying to me anyway; my shiny new laptop also gives me a list of ‘recently opened documents’, Mark claims he read a bit of one then didn’t read anymore… but the evidence piles against him. All six blog entries in that particular folder had been recently opened, and he had two hours with my laptop, once again that is TWO HOURS!
You would read them all wouldn’t you? I certainly would.
I was hoping to tell him on MY terms, when I thought it was the right time, not having to explain myself through tears and shame with a touch of embarrassment thrown in there too.
I’m scared of explaining things to him, especially after that house party. Nothing’s happened since Dramatic Friday; no random kisses on staircases like before, it’s hard to pretend like nothing’s wrong with me when now he knows there really is. It was so much easier to just pretend everything was ok.
(Oh and just for issue of clarity, he still doesn't know about the blog as far as I'm aware and he only read 6 of the earlier blogs, thank god nothing about him...)
In other news, I have another Doctor’s appointment next week; and it's quite a bit of a big deal for me this time because it’s been a year since my very first examination, since all the attempts at dealing with vaginismus and since I actually told someone. A bloody rollercoaster and lies and sex and secrets. Hopefully I’ll be having another examination at this appointment; and I’ll try and be a bit more classy this time… I bet that support nurse has nightmares about me.
Stay sexy
xAx
Primary Vaginismus.
ReplyDeleteIf you have it, then your body is NOT designed for sex.
It is God's way of telling a woman that she is DESTINED to become a nun or celibate.
So if you have it, go on and BECOME A NUN.
Or be CELIBATE.
That's because it is God's way of controlling the global population. God created women with such sexual dysfunction to keep them away from sex and thus preventing conception. Unfortunately, most women don't realize it and would still go through days and weeks of therapy which is just time consuming.
Trying to remedy your condition is against God's will.
God does NOT want you to have sex.
If your a woman, don't get married & don't have sex if your VAGINA wont let you.
God had CLOSED the gates of your virginity.
FACE IT! You have a NUN'S VAGINA.
It is time to give up on men and become a NUN.
VAGINISMUS may be the answer to overpopulation.
God truly works in strange ways.
I am now an enlightened man.