I have a theory that I want what I can’t have. Then when I get that; I’m briefly happy. Then bored. This could be translated to ‘I really like to be chased’. Which would make me a bit of an attention seeker.
So I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel and think about Mark; it seems to change on a daily basis. Here’s a rundown of all my different opinions:
Mark is like going outside for air. That comfort I’m accustomed to that always feels like a brand new feeling. A relief. That familiarity and freshness all rolled into one. He's brand new but knows off by heart, and I love that.
Off by heart is boring, Mark is boring. I met a guy last weekend at a gig and it was so great to have that spark, that ‘we’re blatantly into each other’ vibe. Mark’s losing my attention, I think that’s why I’m confused about everything. He’s not even trying. I know I’ve made it clear that I don’t want a boyfriend straight after 2 years with Ben. But wouldn’t it be nice to just try and convince me a bit?
I’m tired of chasing something that ‘I might want… but I’m not sure’. I want him to make me want him. We did have a nice little moment on Friday night where we were both at a mates house and ended up kind of snuggled up on the sofa together, it was nice, but to be honest even the word ‘snuggle’ makes me want to boak. He walked me into town after that, which I felt deserved a cheeky thank you snog. But yeah I was in two minds about the whole sofa business, we weren’t even flirting. It was nice, but weird.
I tried googling 'in two minds' for inspiration at this point;
As you can see; it was pretty unhelpful.
A friend said to me today: “you're both telling everyone apart from each other that you want each other!” I want him to tell me, because it might make a difference to what I think about him. His lack of forwardness puts me off him.
Though maybe it’s me, maybe I’m looking at this from the wrong perspective. Has the whole thing with Ben just put me off relationships completely? Or maybe I can trick myself into thinking that I’m not in a relationship with Mark when apparently we act like boyfriend and girlfriend just without anything really happening apart from occasional snogging and a one off drunken roll around in the dark at a house party (which I’m still not proud of by the way…)
I could just go “look Mark, I like you, not enough to go out with you and be exclusive but enough to make me what to do you in an empty classroom. K?” and see where it leads me.
The friend, the heavily chested fountain of wisdom, also gave me a brilliant thing to say to him:
“you need to mention to mark how nothings ever new with you and how he doesn’t make you feel like he wants you, so if he can’t prove himself, and would rather just go back to being friends… then you will”
“I love it"
“Mwah”
Wise words from a wise girl.
xAx
So I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel and think about Mark; it seems to change on a daily basis. Here’s a rundown of all my different opinions:
Mark is like going outside for air. That comfort I’m accustomed to that always feels like a brand new feeling. A relief. That familiarity and freshness all rolled into one. He's brand new but knows off by heart, and I love that.
Off by heart is boring, Mark is boring. I met a guy last weekend at a gig and it was so great to have that spark, that ‘we’re blatantly into each other’ vibe. Mark’s losing my attention, I think that’s why I’m confused about everything. He’s not even trying. I know I’ve made it clear that I don’t want a boyfriend straight after 2 years with Ben. But wouldn’t it be nice to just try and convince me a bit?
I’m tired of chasing something that ‘I might want… but I’m not sure’. I want him to make me want him. We did have a nice little moment on Friday night where we were both at a mates house and ended up kind of snuggled up on the sofa together, it was nice, but to be honest even the word ‘snuggle’ makes me want to boak. He walked me into town after that, which I felt deserved a cheeky thank you snog. But yeah I was in two minds about the whole sofa business, we weren’t even flirting. It was nice, but weird.
I tried googling 'in two minds' for inspiration at this point;
As you can see; it was pretty unhelpful.
A friend said to me today: “you're both telling everyone apart from each other that you want each other!” I want him to tell me, because it might make a difference to what I think about him. His lack of forwardness puts me off him.
Though maybe it’s me, maybe I’m looking at this from the wrong perspective. Has the whole thing with Ben just put me off relationships completely? Or maybe I can trick myself into thinking that I’m not in a relationship with Mark when apparently we act like boyfriend and girlfriend just without anything really happening apart from occasional snogging and a one off drunken roll around in the dark at a house party (which I’m still not proud of by the way…)
I could just go “look Mark, I like you, not enough to go out with you and be exclusive but enough to make me what to do you in an empty classroom. K?” and see where it leads me.
The friend, the heavily chested fountain of wisdom, also gave me a brilliant thing to say to him:
“you need to mention to mark how nothings ever new with you and how he doesn’t make you feel like he wants you, so if he can’t prove himself, and would rather just go back to being friends… then you will”
“I love it"
“Mwah”
Wise words from a wise girl.
xAx
Primary Vaginismus.
ReplyDeleteIf you have it, then your body is NOT designed for sex.
It is God's way of telling a woman that she is DESTINED to become a nun or celibate.
So if you have it, go on and BECOME A NUN.
Or be CELIBATE.
That's because it is God's way of controlling the global population. God created women with such sexual dysfunction to keep them away from sex and thus preventing conception. Unfortunately, most women don't realize it and would still go through days and weeks of therapy which is just time consuming.
Trying to remedy your condition is against God's will.
God does NOT want you to have sex.
If your a woman, don't get married & don't have sex if your VAGINA wont let you.
God had CLOSED the gates of your virginity.
FACE IT! You have a NUN'S VAGINA.
It is time to give up on men and become a NUN.
VAGINISMUS may be the answer to overpopulation.
God truly works in strange ways.
I am now an enlightened man.