It’s important to consult a doctor as soon as you can if you think you have vaginismus, which is the inability or difficulty to penetrate the vagina. There’s also another condition, which kind of goes hand in hand with most cases of vaginismus. This is called Dyspareunia, which is when sex is really painful for the girl. I’m pretty sure I have this too.
If you think you have either of these conditions, you should tell someone. I kept it to myself for a year and a half and I crumbled over the questions, the stress, the pressure. I haven’t told my parents, I’m really close to my mum; but telling her my vagina doesn’t work really isn’t the kind of conversation I want to be having over dinner. And I couldn’t talk to my boyfriend about it, I don’t know why, I know it sounds bad but at the time I thought that all he wanted was to be able to have sex, not fix the pain or the worry. You will need to tell someone. This is not something you should go through alone. No matter how embarrassed you feel. No matter how much of a burden you feel on that person you tell. It’s not worth feeling that alone.
Anyway: the return of Doctor Accent. Ben drove me up to the hospital and I met up for the my next appointment with her after the dreaded examination. Much like a Morning After; this appointment is A.W.K.W.A.R.D. So be warned. It's not fun talking a woman who the last time you saw was when she was poking around in between your legs whilst you were crying and swearing at the support nurse. The Appointment After is not to be enjoyed.
So yeah during my first appointment (after the poking, the crying and the screaming) the good ol' doc recommended... Well... she recommended KY jelly. I'm pretty sure she just meant general lube. Lubricant makes the vagina wetter and helps penetration and comes in all sorts and flavours. Super. If you’re up for trying lube, do it. It's an uncomfortable conversation: asking your significant other to try it, which is better done when drunk, but it helped me a lot.
I ended up using the blue durex play. The downside is that it's quite cold, but it's a lot less intimidating than KY jelly for the guy. Ben chose the durex one to feel manly I think, always let him choose the lube. It makes him feel like he's helping. Especially if it does actually help.
Overall the durex play lube worked pretty well, it didn’t fix the problem but it made penetration a lot easier and kind of made everything run a lot smoother, it was less 'drunk virgins rolling round in the dark' more 'wow he actually just came. During sex!’ If you are having trouble. Try it. ASAP.
xAx
When I was a young college boy, I doubted the existence of God.
ReplyDeleteBut after I discovered Primary Vaginismus, it helped STRENGTHEN my faith in God. Finally, there is an evidence of such divine intervention - a vagina was manipulated by a HIGHER POWER for the purpose of birth control. This HIGHER POWER can inflict a woman with fear and ignorance of her own sexuality and manifested in a form of Primary Vaginismus. I am now an enlightened man.
On a lube tip, try Liquid Silk and also a silicone based lube. There are some I have used and loved on this link. I've used lube for about 4 or 5 years now and it's always been great, there's no need to feel awkward about it. It makes handjobs feel heavenly and it really helps when having slightly drunk sex as well.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely worth trying the silicone lubes - they are expensive but you only have to use a few drops at a time, and it lasts forever, unlike normal water based lubes that dry out and go sticky.