I never actually intended to lose my virginity to Ben (my boyfriend), he actually started out as my friend’s older brother, who quite a lot of people fancied (which was clearly demonstrated by the wave of high fives I received after the rumours of my sibling shagging escapades) but I’d never actually met him as ‘Sarah’s Brother’, I met him as ‘Ben’.
The attempt it sex itself, vag’s grand debut, was pretty unspectacular. Its stage being my mate’s bed at an alcohol fuelled house party. I was sort of seeing him at the time, but I think it was the alcohol that kicked things off a bit; I didn’t go to the party intending to sleep with anyone. We snogged on a sofa for a bit, and it was only the next day that I realised most the party was in fact witness to said snogging, with me sitting on his lap for far to long to comprehend. Buuuut I was drunk so even he whispered the clichéd line ‘shall we go upstairs?’ in my ear didn’t put me off. Don’t get me wrong, I really fancied this guy and had for the month or so that we’d been snogging on sofas. But how can a 17 year old boy be so damn seductive? Alcohol and a dark room I suppose.
He went to check for a free room; I went to rearrange and touch up. I didn’t intend for the Big V to be lost in my mate’s room (nor was I slightly vengeful for the same mate loosing his virginity in my bed the month before… that was a mere lucky coincidence.)
The moments of our newly formed relationship were moments of dramatically passionate foreplay, which I blagged my way through having only ever heard stories more experienced friends at school. I was pretty sure he was a virgin too (he was) but I heard of a former girlfriend of 6 months in the usual ‘possible boyfriend background check’, who my have been the Big Taker (she wasn't). Thinking back, I’m not sure knowing he was a virgin too would have helped the situation. On the one hand it would have comforting to know that neither he nor I knew what we were doing. But on the other hand, it was much more settling to pretend that we did.
If you’re at all interested, I began snogging him in dark rooms on the 8th of November 2008, the Big V mustn’t have come long after that as I distinctly remember panicking about what to say afterwards and settling with ‘does this mean I have to buy you a Christmas present?’. Thankfully he found this question amusing rather than disturbing.
Our similar lack of previous sex lives was probably part of the reason we never really mentioned that the sex didn’t actually work from the get go. But from that night on I considered myself unvirginated. Nowadays I do kind of consider myself experienced, even if it just ‘I’ve experienced most things just with the one person’.
Except THAT. If ‘that’ is what you’re thinking… I suppose it would be a solution; but I’m not even gonna go there. You dirty minded people…
xAx
When I was a young college boy, I doubted the existence of God.
ReplyDeleteBut after I discovered Primary Vaginismus, it helped STRENGTHEN my faith in God. Finally, there is an evidence of such divine intervention - a vagina was manipulated by a HIGHER POWER for the purpose of birth control. This HIGHER POWER can inflict a woman with fear and ignorance of her own sexuality and manifested in a form of Primary Vaginismus. I am now an enlightened man.