Ben’s back, shit. I would usually say it would be quite easy to ignore and avoid him; as we’re not really in the same group of friends. Well I thought this; apparently one person slipped through the net of post-breakup frustration. Both myself and Ben are attending a ‘small friendly gathering’ just after Christmas, ode to joy.
We still haven’t spoken since that crazy angry text I sent him… but I’ve physically seen Ben once since he’s been back, at a party which he made a brief appearance: promptly leaving soon after Mark came up and kissed me quite publicly. So yeah, going well!
You know the drill when you break up with someone; we’ve all been through it. For whatever reason you broke up, the usual outcome is that you make empty promises to stay friends; which never actually happens.
Can you be friends with an ex?
Factors such as being friends first or being in the same group of people or even just having to be around the ex a lot half forces you to make friends again so it’s less awkward and just generally easier. But what if you were none of these things? What if you met and clicked on a more than friendly level instantly, what if you don’t really share any close friends, what if the ex now lives 40 miles away half the year?
Surely I can make a case for not being friends with him. But then again; you can’t just pretend you don’t know them after spending two years with them, being in love with them, seeing them very very naked. Of course I have the solace of knowing that I have Mark to flaunt in the ‘who’s moved on first’ competition’, but does that give me an excuse to be friends?
So what are you if not friends? Acquaintances? One of those people who you say hi to in passing and hope that they don’t stop for small talk? “Ben? Yeah I know him but we’re not really mates.” WHAT?
Why do we even bother attempting to be friends? Askmen.com said: “Not only does it give the dumper the comfort of knowing they aren't monsters, but by wanting to remain friends, it also allows the dumper to feel that their former lover will still be in their life, and they won't have to miss having them around.”
So before this small gathering where I will be keeping myself at least a few yards away from Ben at all times; should I attempt to savage this wreckage? When just seeing him brings back memories, mainly of him naked and on top of me but that’s not the point. The point is I feel like in respect of our now dead relationship, we should both move on and try and be civil. That’s the most mature thing to do right? No matter how awkward and painful it may be.
It took me a year to start talking to my first boyfriend again (and I only kissed him), but he’s now one of my best friends and the first person I told about my Vaginismus. Surely this is a sign that in the end it will all work out? Christmas Eve may be a good place to start; we’ll both be in town and a bit drunk. And come on, tis the season.
Man Up.
xAx
goodluck!(:
ReplyDeletePrimary Vaginismus.
ReplyDeleteIf you have it, then your body is NOT designed for sex.
It is God's way of telling a woman that she is DESTINED to become a nun or celibate.
So if you have it, go on and BECOME A NUN.
Or be CELIBATE.
That's because it is God's way of controlling the global population. God created women with such sexual dysfunction to keep them away from sex and thus preventing conception. Unfortunately, most women don't realize it and would still go through days and weeks of therapy which is just time consuming.
Trying to remedy your condition is against God's will.
God does NOT want you to have sex.
If you're a woman, don't get married & don't have sex if your VAGINA wont let you.
God had CLOSED the gates of your virginity.
FACE IT! You have a NUN'S VAGINA.
It is time to give up on men and become a NUN.
VAGINISMUS may be the answer to overpopulation.
God truly works in strange ways.
Hi, I'd just like to say how glad I am I found your blog! Its scary how similar your experience is to mine. I'm 19 and have vaginismus too (i realised I had it in july 2010) and like you all I heard about were these stories about American married virgins whose main concern was how are they going to have children, which is the last thing on mind at the moment. I went to the doctor, but she kind of fobbed me off, telling me i should just use lube. But now i'm at uni i have a different doctor so I'm going to try again, hopefully with better results!!!
ReplyDeleteEven your love life reminds me of my own, I was in a relationship with someone but we'd both agreed to break up for university because I've always really strongly believed you don't go to uni in a relationship if you can help it, and I was really scared like you about being single because I didn't know how I was going to form relationships with people knowing I had vaginismus. Please keep posting, you're blog's really interesting, and I'd really like to know how things work out!
Also why don't you delete those awful comments by 'maypaki'; seriously what a prick!
Maypaki
ReplyDeleteF**k off you insensitive dick
xAx's blowjobs are INCREDIBLE Maypaki! x
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to be celibate for me.
ReplyDeleteJust realize that God owns your body.
There are two types:
1. Primary vaginismus - oops, she has a nun's vagina. Violating a nun's vagina is immoral.
2. Secondary vaginismus - happens usually after giving birth or menopause. It means God doesn't want you to make MORE kids. A natural birth control.
It is the answer to overpopulation. Sex is not for everyone. Some are unfit for sex.
There was one episode in the Tyra Banks show, May 19, 2009. A woman named Kelsie had level 4 Primary Vaginismus. Yet she got pregnant.
How did she get pregnant? Here’s how it went:
She said she was under heavy medication while her husband had “sex” with her. She said her mind was OUT OF IT when the intercourse happened.
For me, that is BORDERLINE RAPE. Their baby is a product of RAPE.
I am a man but I think it is almost criminal and immoral to completely disregard a woman’s feelings (or lack of it) during intercourse.
If a woman stills tries to FORCE HERSELF to do it in spite the pain, she has no self respect, no self esteem. Because to her, sex is just an obligation to please another and not an expression of MUTUAL affection/pleasure.
Sex involves mutual affection/consent. It should please both of them.
If not, then it is considered RAPE.
If she can’t become a nun, she should at least be celibate.
It will END her misery. She just went astray by getting married.
Sex is not for everyone.
Yes, a woman can get pregnant without intercourse. That seems artificial. I don’t know how God would feel about that.
I am not a Bible fan. Nuns are not mentioned in the Bible either.
I am just MODERATELY AGNOSTIC but thinks that God has reasons for everything.
Vaginismus may be the strongest evidence that God exist. Some HIGHER POWER can manipulate a woman’s body.
Married Virgins are laughable. I think they should divorce. HAHAHA. I LAUGH SO HARD THAT MY TESTICLES HURT. OUCH!!!
I am a man who believes in WOMEN'S RIGHTS. Without women's rights, women would still be treated as baby factories instead of human beings with choices.
If a woman has a right to say NO to sex, then so does her VAGINA. She should respect her VAGINAL RIGHTS. They are:
1.) Vagina's right to refuse sex.
2.) Vagina's right to self-pleasure
3.) Vagina's right to self-lubricate.
If a woman has Prime Vaginismus, it means her VAGINA is refusing sex. It's God's form of BIRTH CONTROL.
Most humans are genetically designed to learn how to masturbate. Masturbation teaches them to be sexually self-aware. But some, particularly women, have limited or no masturbation skills and end up having Vaginismus or tough Hymen. Because God forbids them to learn about sex to control the population. Some women do not own their bodies because God owns them.
surely what constitutes a 'nun's vagina' is occupational, not physical. pwnd. xAx
ReplyDelete'Trying to remedy your condition is against God's will.
ReplyDeleteGod does NOT want you to have sex.
If you're a woman, don't get married & don't have sex if your VAGINA wont let you.
God had CLOSED the gates of your virginity.
FACE IT! You have a NUN'S VAGINA.
It is time to give up on men and become a NUN.
VAGINISMUS may be the answer to overpopulation.
God truly works in strange ways'
If this is true then God is a fucking idiot!
Don't be so stupid! So God gives all diseases because of over population? Go and say that on a cancer blog and see how much people love you. A vagina isn't a seperate being, therefore the only right it has is the rights you want it to have. Even if God did create me I assure you that he doesn't own me or anybody else. All women have the right to sex just like all women have the right not to be raped. You can tell you are male!
HAHAHA. I am a man in my late 20s who believes that sex is NOT a necessity. Sex is just a choice.
ReplyDeleteIf I am satisfied with masturbation, then I DO NOT need sex.Unsafe sex can cause the following:
1.)STD /HIV
2.)Hurting women with Vaginismus
Masturbation is enough to keep me satisfied. Because Condoms may break and pills can have side effects.
Believe it or not, there are some girls who are DUMB about their own sex organs.
Just watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6Qy2xQ1trA
In 0:48, one girl said: "My mom sat me down and we talked about sex. When she told me that it was a penis going inside a vagina, I WAS SHOCKED. I though that sounded SO GROSS. And I didn't know that I had an opening there."
-Maybe you are one of those DUMB girls.
I found this news article. This is a global problem and I think people with sexual dysfunction can help.
This news article is about the DRAMATIC DECLINE of Catholic NUNS and MONKS worldwide.
To read that article, go to http://www.tldm.org/News11/DevastatingDeclineReligiousOrders.htm
If the Church would just search and recruit all WOMEN with Primary Vaginismus and all MEN with Early Impotence, then such problem is SOLVED. The result may be an increase in NUNS & MONKS worldwide.
What do you think will be the possible estimated increase?
There are women who are nuns by choice.
There are women who are nuns by destiny.
There are two types of God's birth control:
1.) Vaginismus
2.) Having a Thick Hymen
being a nun or monk isn't just about not having sex (for one thing its also about not masturbating too) its about devoting your life to god, and being catholic. I'm neither catholic nor religious, and I don't think I believe in god, so I'm definitely not going to become a nun. I think that if there is a god he wouldn't be so egotistical to need everyone worshipping him! Also if there is a god, and he doesn't want people with sexual health problems to have sex then why would he allow cures to be created?
ReplyDeleteA woman with Primary Vaginismus don't deserve to be touched by any man.
ReplyDeleteGod's birth control comes in two forms:
1.) Vaginismus
2.) Having a tough hymen
Vaginismus is the most unique of all forms of medical disorders. It can NOT kill a person. It does not damage or impair her other physical activities such as walking, talking, running, thinking, remembering, sleeping, etc. It is not a cancer, virus or infection. A woman can still live a normal life while remaining a virgin.
However, Vaginismus may INDIRECTLY kill a woman because of her frustration due to lack of sex, leading her to commit SUICIDE. If she does not let her condition ruin her happiness, then things will be just fine. She can just find her happiness elsewhere (her clitoris).
Vaginismus is God's way of saying that women are NOT baby factories. Sex is something that God can purposely take away from a woman for population control.
Yes we have the freedom to cure Vaginismus the same way that we are free to commit sins. It is called HUMAN FREE WILL.