Abuse me, use me, just shut up and do me.
I want some really good sex, mind blowing sex. Orgasmic sex, sex where you don’t care about anything else; not your body, not your morals, not your mind. Nothing. Nothing everything sex.
Sadly I can’t have that, I have ‘ok this isn’t TOO painful this time... oh wait, am I crying?’ sex. But I need to take advantage of this sex, because it’ll soon be over. Ben and I are breaking up in 3 weeks, he’s off to uni and I’ve always gone with the ‘always go to uni single’ mindset, it’s hard to go back on that.
The thing is I don't know what to do about ben now. Well it's more like I don't know what to do without ben. He helped me overcome most of my vaginismus and is still helping. The problem is that he's leaving for university at the end of September (that’s 3 weeks guys) giving me very little time to perfect enjoying sex. Because that's the issue I'm facing atm, penetration is ok, he's able to orgasm... But I'm not. I don't enjoy having sex. It's still painful to a certain degree so we do take it easy, but to be honest I wanted him to be able to enjoy sex first of all, I kind of felt I owed him that, and I have quite a high pain threshold, even when it hurts like a thousand sons of bitches. Of course I enjoy the whole rough and tumble of it all and the foreplay is still great and always has been. But sex, the grand finale, the big o, the full monty, meh.
I dont know what to think about this, because who knows, it could just be Ben's bad at sex? We were both virgins when we met, so it's not like he's anymore experienced than I am. So what is it? Is it possible to actually have an orgasm during sex with vaginismus?
This question that’s been tearing up my brain for several weeks leads me onto the thoughts I've currently been having. I suppose it's similar to when you've come out of a long term relationship: How do I start seeing other people?! The upside of having a rebellious vagina means that I'm never going to sleep around. But after coming out of a 2 year relationship that I don't really want to end; I'm going to be in need of alcohol and rebounds.
The pressure of teenage culture nowadays means that most guys think just snogging someone isn't sodding enough! If you're single with vaginismus, serious respect. It must be stressful, horrible. A distressing playingfield that I'm unwillingly going to be thrown into very soon. So yes, only 3 weeks until ben leaves to go have lots of successful stranger rebound sex at freshers week, without having to think 'did I pack the lube?', whilst I'm left here, with no one to even try to shag. Great. Cheers babes.
xAx
xAx
ReplyDeleteI started reading your posts today, this one really speaks to me. I'm 18 in my first year of uni and single.
The first time I had 'sex' I thought it was a one off but it scared me, I've practiced with a dilator but after a recent second attempt... same problem. Reading your posts is a great help, finally someone who's been through this.
Thank you with all my heart.
Cx
Primary Vaginismus.
ReplyDeleteIf you have it, then your body is NOT designed for sex.
It is God's way of telling a woman that she is DESTINED to become a nun or celibate.
So if you have it, go on and BECOME A NUN.
Or be CELIBATE.
That's because it is God's way of controlling the global population. God created women with such sexual dysfunction to keep them away from sex and thus preventing conception. Unfortunately, most women don't realize it and would still go through days and weeks of therapy which is just time consuming.
Trying to remedy your condition is against God's will.
God does NOT want you to have sex.
If your a woman, don't get married & don't have sex if your VAGINA wont let you.
God had CLOSED the gates of your virginity.
FACE IT! You have a NUN'S VAGINA.
It is time to give up on men and become a NUN.
VAGINISMUS may be the answer to overpopulation.
God truly works in strange ways.
I am now an enlightened man.